Why Do Many People Prefer to Speak but Dislike Listening?
Fatwa — Bulukumba

Fundamentally, human beings are storytelling creatures. However, each person has a different way of expressing their thoughts, experiences, and feelings. Some take a long time to speak, while others speak briefly or only when necessary. There are even those who choose to remain silent, especially when a conversation may bring harm to themselves or others.

This phenomenon is worth reflecting upon. Many people tend to want to be heard but are reluctant to listen to others. This often happens in face-to-face interactions, phone conversations, and other forms of communication. Dialogue, which should be two-way, turns into a monologue. The other person is reduced to merely a “faithful listener.” This behavior reverses the natural logic of “two ears and one mouth” into “two mouths and one ear,” where speaking is excessive and listening is minimized.

In fact, listening should take precedence over speaking. Listening is not merely hearing sounds; it is a moment for reflection on the meaning of what is conveyed. Those who truly listen will understand what they hear deeply, consider it carefully, and only then draw conclusions and act. Listening is also a form of respect for the speaker, allowing communication to occur on the same wavelength and fostering mutual understanding.

Reluctance to listen often stems from a sense of superiority. A person may believe that what they say is more important than what others say. In meetings, for example, some individuals lose focus after expressing their opinions, becoming busy with their phones or whispering to others. This reflects a lack of etiquette in respecting those who are speaking. Even if one already understands the content, it is still important to appear attentive to maintain the speaker’s feelings.

Many people also enjoy giving advice or criticism but feel uncomfortable when they are criticized. They tend to respond quickly before the other person has finished speaking. In reality, being listened to attentively is often already part of the solution someone seeks.

This “difficulty in listening” can also affect learned individuals. A scholar may prefer speaking and giving advice rather than listening. An academic may wish to be a speaker but be reluctant to attend when not in that role. Even some preachers feel uneasy sitting as listeners when others speak. Additionally, fanaticism toward one’s own viewpoint may prevent a person from listening to differing opinions.

In truth, knowledge that is heard repeatedly becomes stronger and can inspire new perspectives. In the Qur’an, the command to be mindful of God (ittaqu) is often paired with the command to listen (isma’u), emphasizing the importance of listening. Listening is not merely hearing but also implies obedience in carrying out what has been heard.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) taught that one should at least be a good listener (mustami’) if not yet able to become a seeker of knowledge (muta’allim), let alone a scholar (‘alim). Many great scholars attend lessons delivered by younger scholars simply to listen. This shows that listening is a sign of humility and a defining trait of knowledgeable people.

Ultimately, speaking and listening are inseparable parts of human life. There are times to speak and times to listen. The more we listen, the more knowledge we gain, and the wiser we become in our speech. May this Ramadan train us to become better listeners, especially toward beneficial knowledge.

Author: Syahrullah (Lecturer, Faculty of Ushuluddin)
Image Source: AI
This article was published in FAJAR newspaper on May 2, 2021, under the title “Fond of Speaking, Reluctant to Listen.”